Ugh...

[Overland-Indiana]

Guys, I'm gonna ask for your help with something.

My family going through a rough patch, my wife and I are not seeing eye to eye right now (Kids have us stressed out), finances are tight (Wife is still in college, luckily shes got a job lined up and graduates soon!) and work has me stressed out with deadlines on some designs for our website, ads and flyers. So, if your religious, keep my family in your prayers, if your not then just keep us in your thoughts. Thanks guys.

 

[VCeXpedition]

Good on you for asking, keep first things first, things will improve.
Dan

Sent from my HTC One_M8 using Tapatalk

 

[hardtrailz]

Will do.

 

[mmnorthdirections]

Hey Man, you got it. WE ALL have stuff!!!! to get through, I think this is a positive group of folks that want us all to be happy and fulfilled with life. My wife and I are with you! Time and patients.....friend.

 

[Overland-Indiana]

Thanks for the encouragement guys!

 

[deeker]

Hang in there. Just knowing there is an end in sight is sometimes enough to get you through. Not everyone has that hope. Keep plugging away!
Like the country song says 'when you're going through hell, keep on going...'

 

[Robert OB 33/48]

First thing really important, get yourself and your wife eye to eye. Get your ego or whatever stands in your way out of the way. Be open, tell her what you need to be in line with her. Ask her, what does she need to be in line with you. Listen to her, listen to yourself, go deep in yourself and ask yourself what you really need from her. Then, when you know this, just ask her, do you love me, do you want to live with me. Can we do this together? And go for a solution you both agree to. I did mediation and I cant give you the right solution, but, in asking, and sincerely listening, both of you, you can find the right thing to do. And then, when you both are a team again, you will find a way to get the kids back in the team as well and get the problems out of the way.

If you love your wife and kids, listen to them. give them space and oppurtunity to tell you what they really need from you. And be frank to them. No shouting, no pushing, just sit, talk, listen, wait, listen, talk, wait, listen. Untill finally the reall need comes and then you all can act.

Greetings from Robert

 

[Murphy Slaw]

Prayers your way. It's a long road and a small wheel and it takes a lot of turns, my friend.

God bless.

 

[Desert Nomad]

Praying you get through this sooner rather than later.

Whenever i stress out i drive out to the desert just far enough that I can't hear the road, switch off the engine sit out and clear my mind.

Hope everything turns out for the better

 

[Overland-Indiana]

First thing really important, get yourself and your wife eye to eye. Get your ego or whatever stands in your way out of the way. Be open, tell her what you need to be in line with her. Ask her, what does she need to be in line with you. Listen to her, listen to yourself, go deep in yourself and ask yourself what you really need from her. Then, when you know this, just ask her, do you love me, do you want to live with me. Can we do this together? And go for a solution you both agree to. I did mediation and I cant give you the right solution, but, in asking, and sincerely listening, both of you, you can find the right thing to do. And then, when you both are a team again, you will find a way to get the kids back in the team as well and get the problems out of the way.

If you love your wife and kids, listen to them. give them space and oppurtunity to tell you what they really need from you. And be frank to them. No shouting, no pushing, just sit, talk, listen, wait, listen, talk, wait, listen. Untill finally the reall need comes and then you all can act.

Greetings from Robert

Thank you for your reply. I agree completely. We do need to work on getting back on the same team. I think our main issue was we had children too soon into our marriage and didn't have time to figure "us" out as a married couple first. I love both my boys more than anything and i am beyond blessed to have them, even though they added a lot of complication to our marriage i also believe they are a huge part of why my wife and I are almost to our 4 year anniversary (I know some of you guys are probably at 20+ years so 4 is not that long haha) . We aren't fighting or anything to the point of wanting divorce, we just get angry with each-other when they boys are being bad or don't listen. We are directing anger where it shouldn't be and we should be able to bite our tongues and handle the issues in a calm and sensible manner. It is not easy and is something we are constantly working towards achieving. Her and I both have openly admitted we need to change and work on the way we treat each-other. I honestly believe when she gets settled into her new job and finances are not so tight that will remove a lot of stress and hopefully give us the time to calmly handle issues in our family because we aren't wasting our patience or stress on money. Thank you guys all for the thoughts, prayers and encouragement.

God bless.

 

[TreXTerra]

Professional head-shrinker here.

If you and your wife have an EAP or insurance with mental health coverage, it would be a good idea to use it. This time of year is very stressful at the best of times and when things are not going well financially that leads to even more stress and anxiety. It sounds like all this is affecting your relationship. If you can, please get in to see a marriage therapist for a few sessions to help.

If that's not an option, such as not having adequate coverage (which you should, the ACA created a mandate for mental health coverage), let me know and I can post about some relationship-building, communication, and conflict-resolution tactics you can use to help bring the tension down at home. This will not be therapy, just some ideas of what you might be able to do differently. Your best option is to see a therapist, if possible.

EDIT: Sometimes churches can help couples who are struggling in their relationship. I've had churches help pay for therapy for members who are in financial difficulty and I know others offer their own form of counseling - although this can often be counter productive if the clergy is not trained in how to do therapy.

 

[Robert OB 33/48]

Hello, one of the things that can be very irritating is when kids, in all their innosence play their parents out. Daddy says yes, mummy says no, Mummy agrees, daddy not. Or whatever combination.
I am a follower of Cesar Millans "Rules, Bounderies, and Limitations". Works for dogs, should work for kids.

But first, send the kids to Grandma and Granddad if possible for the weekend. Go out on a trip together, just the two of you and ask yourselfs, what shall we do with the kids. And I dont mean to put a collar on their necks... (hmmm wait, that could be a good idea. No, back to serious) Talk about how to react to kids, talk about how to react on that Daddy yes/Mummy no situation. One thing works perfectly.
Kid comes and says daddy/mummy yes or no. Reply, Ok, I will discus it with him/her when he/she comes home. That gives you and your wife the time to react similar to them. When you both learn how to react to them in a similar way, you will be able to get them easely under control. Give the those rules bounderies and limitations. Kids need that. Give them repercussions when they dont behave.
I had once two kids to take care for a weekend long for friends who just wanted to have a weekend of.
Fine, so I picked them up and when I got home I told them..
"listen, I have planned five nice things, themepark, pancakes, swimming, lunapark and BBQ. If you behave, we will do all these things. If you dont behave, everytime I get annoyed, one of those things will go of the list. If you not behaving at all, it will be a long boring weekend, and I can read my favourite book."
God, what was I tired after te weekend and we did all these things and more, because they were just fine.
I had a "son" for six years. (long story, not interesting here) he did see me as his dad. We drove with racecars on the Nurburgring in Germany almost every weekend. And he was allowed to come along. Same thing there. You behave and are allowed to be with us there. If not. Tough luck.
It worked.
It worked for me. But Iam a very straight forward guy. And gave him rules bounderies and limitations. And in these things, we could have all the fun in the world.

So, maybe, just maybe, it could work for you both. If not, well, at least you had a good weekend just the two of you.

Greetings from Robert

 

[Overland-Indiana]

We have a 3-day getaway type thing planned next Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I have an awards banquet/meeting for work. Stihl USA is having a seminar for the states top salesman where they wine and dine you and your spouse and you get a ring (from what iv'e heard its about as ugly as a Superbowl ring haha) anyway, my wife and I are going with no kids. I think it will be a good time to try and get things back on track. To be honest over the therapy issue our church has a marriage counselor on staff, free of charge...we aren't fighting to the point of anything other than a agree to disagree type situation ("You put the boys clothes away wrong" said the wife, "No i didn't" said me...wife "Yes you did", me "Ok, i did") I just want our relationship to get to where we don't argue about the petty things and just concentrate on being happy to see the other person. I am a very reasonable guy and will try to avoid conflict as much as possible but, just like anyone I do have my limits. I know my issue is i need to get my ego out of the way and learn to swallow my tongue more, I have a major issue with trying to always have the last word. I feel like she is always provoking an argument, even when she MAY not be. I guess i need to learn to read her better more than anything.

 

[TreXTerra]

These little things can start to wear you down. If you have access to free therapy then why not make the most of it? Getting in and changing the direction early means it will be less work and take less effort than waiting for things to become a bigger problem.

Change the oil today, or change the engine tomorrow.

 

[Robert OB 33/48]

If you know the problem, accept it, repsect it and then, just go out and tell her that. Then you both can learn when it occurs. And go around it.
EGO. Iam full of it. I have the same problem. I like to be in control and be responceble for the solution. Mediation tought me one thing. It isnt about how reasonable the solution is, it is how happy both parties are with it.
So, ask her what she would like and press your hand before you mouth, let her speak, wait, wait again, think, wait, rethink and think what answer you will give.

One thing you can say is: Iam sorry, I try to do right, but Iam not sure if I do. Can you help me please to do the right thing.
She will do so.

 

[NetDep]

Jordan -

All the best from our house to yours! You will be in our prayers and often in our thoughts. Keep us all informed and let us know if there is anything you need...

Take care!!

Tim

 

[Michael]

Hey my friend, our thoughts are with you too - @CorrieOB and I have plenty of struggles to get through, we argue, come back around, it's NOT perfect! Thanks for reaching out - we're glad to be here for you! @jordanbrooks

 

[Overland-Indiana]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. This is a rough patch, but I have no doubt we will make it. Just need some prayers and best wishes for strength to make it easier.

Again,
Thank you all!

 

[mmnorthdirections]

Be open and talk. Make time to stop and take in all we have to be thankful for.
Be cool!

 

[JJsanchez]

Theres a Spanish proverb that says "Dios Aprieta Pero No Ahorca" God squeezes you, but he won't choke". It is to remind us that no matter how hard things get, they'll eventually let up. Just remember to breath.